My Birthday – Parasha Vayeishev (“And He Lived”)
- Rahel Cela BEHAR
- 2 gün önce
- 3 dakikada okunur
This date coincides with the weekly Torah portion Vayeishev. Vayeishev explores themes of jealousy, patience, inner reconciliation, and self-expression through the story of Joseph. His relationships with his brothers and the challenges he faces symbolize the ways we confront our fears and our past.
Hello dear friends,This year, I blew out another candle of life and continued moving forward… And this time, I did something I hadn’t done for years: I shared a birthday post with photos and my feelings on social media.
I used to have a difficult relationship with birthdays. But for my father, they were important. He would always crown my birthday with a big strawberry cake and recount the memories of that day every year. As for me, I found celebrations pointless and practically hid my birthday away. I even left notes at work to avoid the traditional celebrations: “Please do not announce my birthday.”
But then, a turning point came.A few years ago, while chatting with a lifelong neighbor friend on WhatsApp — I can’t remember the exact topic; it was a philosophical, deep discussion about women — she suddenly said:“You know, what you’re doing actually counts as self-abuse.” (Emotional self-harm)I paused for a moment.“Self-abuse? What’s that?” I asked.“It’s what you do to yourself,” she said calmly.
The conversation passed, but that day I realized something I hadn’t been aware of. Our topic wasn’t even my birthday, but I always take criticism seriously because constructive feedback moves you forward.
I started researching. The term “self-abuse” is broad; but when I applied it to my life, it meant this:Making yourself invisible, belittling yourself, always putting your needs last, prioritizing the needs of loved ones over your own being, and for years, not even allowing yourself to enjoy a small celebration… I had been doing exactly that.
I used to think, “Another year has passed, time is running out; what’s the point of this celebration?” and trivialized birthdays. But my friend held up a mirror for me. Looking at my own behavior, I realized how often I had been unfair to myself.
I understood that even avoiding a birthday celebration, or not allowing myself to enjoy a small celebration, was a form of emotional self-harm. Not physical, but a deep pattern that over the years made a person feel worthless.
This year, I took a small but meaningful step to break that pattern. I shared a photo post on Facebook expressing my feelings. It was amazing; friends, family, and acquaintances I hadn’t spoken to in years reached out, wrote, called, and my birthday instantly became a celebration filled with messages and calls.
Of course, the other option would have been to stay silent and retreat into my shell. But which is better? Opening up to the universe and to people, sharing our hearts, really brings joy.
When I lived in Vancouver, I experienced this approach at the Innovative Synagogue Or Shalom. Being open and sharing thoughts and feelings was important. We even had a song we all sang in the synagogue: “I am opening.”And this year, I also opened my heart a bit more. A small step, but it made a big difference.
My birthday experience offered me an opportunity for inner reconciliation: making peace with the years when I had belittled myself and put my needs last… Opening up, sharing my feelings, and allowing myself to enjoy even small celebrations became a moment of rebirth, much like the patience and inner growth illustrated in Vayeishev.
Stay with Love
RahelÇela Behar
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